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| 09:45pm 02/08/2004 |
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lol im finally updating. well my life is a hell of a lot different from the last time i did this. its been mostly me and jake lately and not so much of me and salena. actualy no me and salena. its sad. im listenin to so much eminem now lol its crazy. i went paintballing today and it was awesome. i was afraid at first and i thought it would hurt but by the end me and jake were runnin at eachother shootin eachother like it was nuthin. thats cuz it really is nuthin. with all the adrenaline and havin the guns turned down as low as they were you could barely feel it and a lotta times we didnt even know if we were hit or not so me and jake played where we fought till no paint was left and no hits counted. ya i watched my 250 dollar pay check dissappear almost completely in one day lol. back to work tomorrow and thatll be fun. ill prolly be pretty burnt out. jake is the man. i wanna hang out with laura. jake says im smooth. i dunno what to say so im bein random. i guess ill write in here again soon but for now im done. ttyl |
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1 fuck it, might as well - bleedin, make another cut |
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| 05:48pm 16/06/2004 |
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I love Salena a lot. I went to a KMK concert with Jake and Mike and all I could think about was her. She likes penguins. And giraffes. And Im going to buy her some of each. Im clingy though. |
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bleedin, make another cut |
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| 09:39am 13/05/2004 |
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im in school, spanish class, the computer lab is nice and cool, this is my only class with air conditioning so im in for another hot sweaty day, no salena after school and i miss her lots, i gotta go to my stupid job oreantation thing today and i dont wanna, i dont even want the stupid job, well thats about all, bye |
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2 fuck it, might as well - bleedin, make another cut |
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| 04:08pm 07/05/2004 |
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um, yesterday i did hw for 5 hours, today i aced the chem test and that made me happy, now im sitting here waiting for salena to get here.
ps. im horny |
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bleedin, make another cut |
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| 05:01pm 06/05/2004 |
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back again and salena prolly wont notice cuz she still hasnt added me to her list again. hmm, i didnt update yesterday so ill go back to that now.
YESTERDAY
school was as usual then i went to salenas, moods werent great but toward the end of the night everything got better, by the time i got home i was too lazy for hw or anything so i didnt do it knowing that id have a field trip today. i dont really remember much from yesterday besides when i did lay down to go to sleep i glanced out my window and the moon was full, it was so pretty, i thought of salena when i looked at it and sumthin about it made me feel close to her, maybe she was looking at it too.
TODAY
i went on a field trip with the people from the yearbook committe, hey it was a day outta school. it wasnt bad. i brought my own lunch even though they said theyd be giving us a snack. they told us to take one snack and one drink and if there were any left we could take more, i ended up taking about 6 or 7. shh though. salena was gay and we played connect for on the bus. then on the bus ride home from school, my last sentence was about the bus ride to school from the field trip btw, it was packed cuz we had to ride some other bus and we had people sitting on laps, well once we got home, not even 5 minutes afterward my sister called and said my dad would be picking me up. he came n got me and told me that he found more weed in my room and that we were going to get my social security card so i can get my working papers filled out. he didnt seem too mad about the weed, i guess hes gotten to the point where he knows that no matter what he says im not gonna listen, thats not true though, i really do respect what my dad says, if not for him i might be smoking everyday all day, that guy is kool when hes not pmsing. kinda like my gf. on the way home he beeped at some woman who was bending down and showing her ass lol. now im here typing this and i have lots of hw to do and salenas to talk to so bye |
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2 fuck it, might as well - bleedin, make another cut |
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| 10:46pm 04/05/2004 |
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salena took me off of her list cuz i dont update anymore, i dont like her for that and i hope that she doesnt see this cuz she is mean, i guess ill take a minute to catch everyone up on how things have been lately, starting with right now, im cold and i just woke up from a long nap, im working on some really old past due english assignments cuz i dont wanna fail, and talking to salena...now lets get to some older stuff, well, i missed the dark lotus concert cuz it was sold out, that made me very angry, i got hired at six flags as a lifegaurd but my dad is gay and wont even try to find my birth certificate, which i need to get my working papers signed, i kinda stopped smoking and thats good i guess, i smoked this past sunday though, im an outlaw, i break my own rules, things have been wierd between me n salena but not in a bad way, were really close to 6 months and something wierd has happened, i cant really go into that much though, i love her, school has been boring and gay like always and as the year goes on i lose more and more interest and as of right now im pretty behind in all of my classes, i havent been doing much lately but sitting on my ass and talking to salena, i really need to get my permit so i can drive my ass somewhere instead of being a couch potato, my hair is like 2 inches past the bottom of my ear, all the weight i lost when i dieted is back cuz i cant stop eating, ive been really tired and really hungry lately, so ive been eating and sleeping a lot, im starting to hate myself for that, im gonna have to lose that weight again if im gonna be a lifegaurd, i did my spanish hw for the first time in a really long time today, i guess thats a good thing, i cant wait till salenas bday, i have the best gift ever for her, there has to be much more to tell but salena wants to go to sleep so ill stop writing and talk to her for a lil, bye |
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1 fuck it, might as well - bleedin, make another cut |
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| 10:34pm 04/05/2004 |
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this update is for my loser gf, the only one who bothers to look at this anymore, today, i slept alllllllllllllllll day, it was fun, i missed salena, then i woke up, now im talking to you, i lvoe you |
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bleedin, make another cut |
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| 09:14am 11/04/2004 |
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ive been neglecting my journal lately but not as much as ive been neglecting salena. these past 4 days i havent once talked to her for more then 5 minutes at a time except when she was here. my attention has been on spring break and partying a lot lately. shes always been here for me and i fucked up. i feel really bad and im really sorry. yesterday was 5 months for me n her. these have been the best 5 months of my life. up until i started worrying about having fun more than our relationship, everything was going great, i really love her with all my heart. thats about all. bye. |
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bleedin, make another cut |
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| 10:15pm 05/04/2004 |
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obviously ive lost all interest in this journal, but since i have a beautiful gf who wants me to update, i guess im gonna have to, things have been good lately, lots of love, lots of weed, grades turned out to be pretty good, a lot better than suspected, i love salena more than ever, too bad i wasted all my sweetness and nice things to say early in our relationship cuz now all i can say would be redundant, so ill just keep it simple, i love her, and i mean it, cant get much more sincere than that. bye |
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bleedin, make another cut |
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| 11:03pm 23/03/2004 |
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uh...been a few days since i updated...nuthins really changed...doin the same stuff everyday...the weekend was cool...jake and salena were here most of the time...went to feleicas one night...me salena n jake did sumthin that doesnt happen very often...no im not talkin anything sexual, freaks...yesterday was kool...went uptown with colleen and salena then to salenas for a while...today i didnt get to be with salena...slept till 6...mom picked me up and we went out...shoppin and stuff...then we went to her friend kaori's house...she made some really good food...and lots of it...so i got fat...then i weighed myself on her scale and im 168...thats down from 180 sumthin so im proud...and her scale was really precise and accurate...and expensive...down to the gram...so i know it didnt read wrong...now im back home talking to salena and having lots of hw to do...thats all...bye |
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1 fuck it, might as well - bleedin, make another cut |
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| 10:40pm 18/03/2004 |
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uh today wasnt really anything special...salena scared me...went home...slept...woke up...ate...talked to salena online...fun fun fun...thats all...i mean it...thats all...what a boring day right...lol |
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1 fuck it, might as well - bleedin, make another cut |
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| 11:58pm 17/03/2004 |
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LET IT BURN
I don't understand why
See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just
I feel like this is coming to an end
And its better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn
It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time coming
But we done been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Deep down you know its best we stop but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know that it's through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry |
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1 fuck it, might as well - bleedin, make another cut |
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| 09:45pm 15/03/2004 |
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school was tiring and boring...seemed a lot longer then most days...kinda cold too...since i let my wonderful gf wear my hoodie...and ill admit she kinda looks cute in clothes twice her size...after school my friend mario came over...we didnt do much...just hung around...my computer fucked up...took mario home around 6 and went to a conference thing at my bros school...went to walmart to get some new notebooks and an antivirus...now im fixin my puter and neglecting my baby...she likes average joe...sure wish i had a chiquita banana sticker...today at school wit my bro there was a lil girl named salena...and just seeing the name on the tag gave me that tingly feeling i talk about sumtimes...i never would have imagined i could be so deeply in love...baby your my diamond...ill never let you go...i love you |
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1 fuck it, might as well - bleedin, make another cut |
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| 09:30pm 14/03/2004 |
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once again i was out all day...left home around 1220 and got back at 920...well my day went from good to bad and back n forth all day...the play was fun as always...another great performance...the last one of the year...ill miss it...gonna be really bored now with nuthing to do and so much time to waste...even when i wasnt stage crew at least salena would be at play practice and id be able to look forward to her coming home afterwards to talk to her...now shell always be there...looks like a lot of bad moods and boring days coming up...kinda like today...stuff started good...stayed good for a while...seen salena sittin on terry's lap...didnt let it bother me...still kinda brought me down a lil...let her know it wasnt right...everything was fine again...then i got a lil upset with all the ignorance thats been going around between us...i do stupid stuff a lot...its just me...but no one has ever been as ignorant about it as her and i guess im just gonna have to deal with it...im not saying i dont deserve it...but it still gets to me...nuthin i can do...ive been thinking a lot lately about whats right and wrong...and ive realized theres no way to change or help a situation besides just letting it play out...whats gonna happen will happen...you can avoid stuff and put stuff off and deny your problems and talk about them...but in the end if you arent meant for eachother you just wont be together...i honestly believe me n salena are meant to be together so i guess theres no point in trying to fix problems or talk about them or anything like that...i guess if she knows sumthin hurts me i shouldnt have to tell her about it cuz if she loves me she will just stop...i know i dont like hurting her so when i find out i do i try to stop...i realized how ignorant i am when im trying to fix problems of hers that are outside of our relationship...ive realized how i create more problems then there already are by trying to fix the simple ones that should be overlooked...so salena was hurt by her parents not being affectionate...and as much of an ass as i am i found a way to make it worse...even though my intentions were to make it better...ive just never dealt with someone as sensitive and im actually gettin a lil better...there were some things i wanted to say that i didnt...so i didnt...im proud of myself...so later on things started gettin good...me n salena started bein me n my baby again...then she went to get me a drink and everything went right back to me n salena...all of her attention went from kyle to hw and parental problems...i guess thats understandable...but after that it went to the tv...im like hey can kyle get some attention to...i mean i didnt come over your house to watch tv...i came here to be with you...but i guess weve came so far along in our relationship its hard to spend every moment together without being distracted...so my dad came and picked me up...we went n seen his new truck...i like it...it looks better then the 95 thunderbird that my dad gave me since he got his truck...6 months till provisional license...cant wait...now im home sittin here in front of this puter making everyone bored with reading my problems...well they arent really problems...just thoughts...my life is pretty problemless right now...i have it better then most people...i have my baby...i dont have her all the time...but when i do...my world is perfect...and for that time...i feel perfect...and thats what matters most to me...i guess im jsut about done...let me try to snap out of this wierd mood im in now and go talk to salena...bye |
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bleedin, make another cut |
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| 11:04am 14/03/2004 |
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maybei should stop being lazy and update more...well...its kyle...im back...my name is kyle...im back...im in a really good mood...dunno why...but i am...hyper as hell...lemme take a minute to catch you guys up on some of the stuff thats been going on in my life...well...ive been dieting for a month now and ive lost about 7 pounds...doing pretty good i guess...yesterday i had my shirt off and i was told that my body is nice for the first time since i was like 14...before i was fat ya know...so im gettin there...i can see hte muscles comin through lol...besides that im gettin sick...i had bloody snot earlier lol and damn that sounds gross...ive been at school a lot lately and never home to update...7-2 is school...2-6 was baseball...6-1030 was play...ya im in stage crew for lil abner...prolly the koolest play ill ever be part of...im gonna miss it so much...todays the last show...if your from ptown make sure you come see it today at 2...or youll be missin out for ever...so now back to the big picture...or in otherwords...back to salena...things have been great...we had an off couple weeks where i wasnt bein the best bf...or the best person...but things have gotten a lot better...i mean a lot better...last night we had a scare but it turned out to be sumthin stupid...im just glad its gone and im not worried about the details of why i wasnt told or anything like that...i just want salena to be happy with me...im not gonna get to see jake this weekend cuz the faggot played sick all week and didnt go to school...so im pretty much friendless for now...all i have left is salena who doesnt talk and this stupid journal...anyone wanna talk to me????...just an hour before i have to leave to the play...im the best head of the stage crew ever...no ones ever pulled curtains like me...im goin broadway i tell you...maybe not... but is fun...and it wouldnt have happened without my baby salena...who i love very much btw...so last night my x gf starts bringin up bullshit with salena...talkin about how i used to brag after we had sex...anyone readin this no who im talkin about...prolly not cuz i didnt tell anyone lol...just a bunch of bullshit...stupid drama queens...x gfs always have to try to make the guy seem like the bad one...i mean she didnt leave me for no reason at all the day after she told me she was in love with me...she didnt have sex with me then start messin with james two days later and then get pissed at me for going out with krystle a week later...OHHH HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME...I HAD SEX WITH YOU A WEEK AGO AND YOU ALREADY HAVE A NEW GF...shit bitch you had a new bf the day after...fuck is wrong with you...damn right im the bad guy...fuck you...stupid hoe...i love salena...lol...i love salena...im done for now...but i will be updating more often |
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1 fuck it, might as well - bleedin, make another cut |
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| 07:27pm 07/03/2004 |
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im updating...be happy...anyone miss readin this thing??...anyway...things werent good for a while...now they are perfect...i had a lot of fun with salena today...i really dont know what id do without her...i love her...bye |
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bleedin, make another cut |
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| 09:09am 27/02/2004 |
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well im in the computer lab again for english...im definately gettin my puter back today so if you guys have missed me...miss me no more...im back...well thats all...ttyl |
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bleedin, make another cut |
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| 08:56am 23/02/2004 |
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my computer is still at gateway waiting for a part and im gettin impatient...im at school right now in the puter lab for english...im so far behind on this project we are supposed to be doing...well...im still alive...just wanted everyone to know...dont forget about me...ill be back someday...bye |
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2 fuck it, might as well - bleedin, make another cut |
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| 01:40pm 05/02/2004 |
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im in the computer lab for geometry...mr brown has to be the koolest teacher in the world...so since hes givin us this free period i decided to take a few mins to update...i havent been able to lately cuz my computer died and my mom took it to gateway to be reprogrammed...it should be back soon...uh...dont really have much to say...ttyl |
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1 fuck it, might as well - bleedin, make another cut |
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| 12:11pm 30/01/2004 |
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once again im in the computer lab...mrs zuniga brought us here outta the kindness of her heart...after we were done the hard ass exam of course...actually it wasnt too hard...but it was long...i took the same one last year so most of it was really familiar and pretty easy to answer...but still took a lotta time...algebra we only had 50 questions but they were really hard...well not hard to answer...but hard as in took a lot of thought and time...most people didnt finish till the last minute...i was finished about 15 mins before the time given...which is sad...thats a lotta work...pretty sure i got As on both...pretty sure i got As on all of my midterms so far cept maybe history...found out i got a B in alg for the marking period...not bad...better than the D i got last quarter...so today after school im off to jakes...should be lots of fun...ill be missin the hell outta salena though...im hungry...between periods i went to the cafe to get some food but they didnt have anything good...all the stuff i wanted was sold out...oh well...i have gum...that will have to do for the next 10 mins till i get on the bus and another 10 till im home...this entry is long as hell and pretty much pointles...i dont think ive ever written so much on one of these...but im bored...and absolutely nuthing better to do...uh...cant wait till tuesday...lol only salena would know why...hungerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...ok bye |
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bleedin, make another cut |
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kryptic_kaos's journal